I'm really trying to be positive right now. So much is going on and being thrown at us/me right now. Between P's jaw and my Mr. Lumpy and some other stuff coming up real soon, January is looking to be a pretty drab month. I've cut out caffeine completely but Lumpy hasn't gotten smaller at all. I just want it to go away so I can move on. I just want a bunch of things to go away. I'd like for us to be able to go away. Having a honeymoon is a luxury I never got. Taking pictures with my husband on our first Christmas together is a luxury I never got.
I know things could be a lot worse. I should count my blessings and focus on the good things in my life. I'd just like a break for just a few minutes.
Van! i feel you, love. I didn't get either of those pictures either. No honeymoon, no money for Christmas to even celebrate our first Christmas. And truthfully, our second shaped up a lot like our first. It's funny - I think if we asked our parents to tell us about their first married Christmas, they'd tell a similar story. We are fortunate enough to have these grand memories of Christmas when we were kids and I guess (I know I do this) we think that will just carry on when we start our own family and our own Christmas. It's really hard to see through the muck and mess of, well, life. It's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I think that light might come from just knowing other people feel and know your pain. We're in this together. Holding another persons hand in the tunnel, will help you get to the end, if not faster, at least happier. Please consider this an extension of my hand...
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to believe how quickly this adulthood thing sneaks up on us. I think I started adulthood when I moved out of parents house and got a job and finished school. I thought wrong. I started adulthood when the real struggles started. And I was on my own this time. It was like getting hit by a truck. But the ambulance never showed up to take me to the hospital so I had to get up on my own. But I wasn't on my own. I had Joe. And I had people around me that were in similar life situations that we're figuring out how to get up to. You have your husband, for better or for worse. Please consider this an offer to help you get up...
Hang in there Vanessa. You contribute something amazing to this world by being a teacher. You contribute something amazing to your husband by being a strong wife who stays by his side. You contribute something amazing by sharing your smile and your energy with the world. You are infectious. You are stronger than you know. And just as soon as you breathe and figure out how to take it in stride, your break will be there. Thats all it is. You CANNOT have a break if you're stressed. Even if someone sent you off on vacation, you'd be worried about these things you're worried about. You'd just be in a different location. So first things first - breathe. All we can do is keep breathing.
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I wish you could have seen me crying like a baby while listening to that Ingrid Michaelson song and reading your comment. No, wait, I am glad no one saw that! Thank you so much. Really. I am trying to learn to breathe more. It's funny that you sent that song and not 5 minutes later my dad told me to just relax and lay on the couch and take a breather. I know I keep myself busy, too busy most of the time. I also know that is a coping mechanism I've developed over 29 years. I want you to know that you inspire me. I know no one is perfect and no one has got it all figured out, but I love reading your posts because it gives me the comfort of knowing I'm not the only one who sometimes has no idea what's going on. You have a beautiful family and are full of so much life and light. Thank you for lending your hand to hold on to. I also extend mine to you. So, I guess the next time one of us gets hit by a truck, we both get hit by a truck. At least we won't have to get up alone. :)
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